17. To the Last


Ever fall flat on your face? Or just fall? You trip and while you’re in midair your mind shuts down. You don’t know how to react first. Should you put your hands out? You do it anyway. Anything you think about, or want to think about, gets lost in the blur of movement. It’s just a split second of madness and then thunk. There you are. On the ground. And nothing else matters. You’re  there. It doesn’t matter how you got there. You just…are.

That’s how I felt after I found the kid. I had done research. I had looked long and hard. And I had found her. With her, I’d be able to get to Angyl. My brother had been keeping me up to date. Which is really funny because he was the one that sold me out. I forgave him. He thought it would end the wars. Bring peace. He was wrong. And he learned from it. As did it. I trusted him less, but he had his uses. I needed information and he provided it. He just so happened to be in the right place at the right time. He was going out with the girl I was searching for. Isn’t that something? Couldn’t have been more perfect if I’d tried. Then again, maybe I had. Subconsciously and all. Who knows? Never can tell these days. Everything is something or nothing. Yeah, that clears things up.

Uncertainty is the basis of life. The unknown. Around it all things revolve.

So now what? Where to go from here?

In your entire life, have you ever woken up and taken that big breath of fresh air like they do in the movies? That breath that defines this day as significant? That moment that shows you will live it to the fullest, you will try your hardest, and you’ll make it the best damn day in your entire life. And you know what happens?

You stub your toe.

You trip and almost twist your ankle.

Some asshole cuts you off in traffic.

Some jerk knocks you down on the way to work.

You drop everything.

You start cursing.

And the best damn day of your life just went straight to Hell. So you know what? Fuck the good days. Fuck the bad days. They’re just time. They’re just an assemblage of time, arranged to help it pass more smoothly. That’s it. You wake up. And you get started. You go do whatever you were doing yesterday and it doesn’t matter because it’s what’s expected.

Fuck the expected.

You know what my theory is?

Fuck everything I’ve just told you about. Everything. Into the ground and then some. You know why? Because I’m a hypocrite. A self proclaimed liar. It’s tattooed on my body in invisible ink – I dare you to find it.

Here’s to the earth shakers and trouble makers.

My kind of people.

The only way through life is simple – head on.

Against oncoming traffic. On the wrong side of the road. Horns blaring.

That’s life.

Anything less is just a waste of time. Nobody else’s but yours. Because in this life, which is the only one you’ve got, your time is the only time that matters. That’s it. Nothing else. Nobody else. Just you. This’ your show ladies and gents. That’s it. And the train won’t wait on you. There’s no way off either. So buckle up kids. You’re in for a hell of a ride.

And for the record, there’s no emergency stop.

You’re stuck.

Welcome to the show.

That’s the majority of life. Society, all those little factors. Politics, economy, it’s just a show. It’s just a picture of how things are, how things should be. They are insignificant. They play no part in the grand scheme of things. And if you play your cards right, you’ll never have to deal with them forthright at all. And for the record – I’m one hell of a card shark.

Or as the line truly goes –

I’m the Queen of Aces.

Now and forever, always and never.

Here’s to a return to some classical values. To a place we haven’t been in awhile. Have you missed me? I’ll tell you, it was a trip being gone, and it was a hell of a time coming back, but I’m here to stay. Ladies and gentlemen, if you’ll kindly turn your attention to the center ring.

Our ringleader would like to introduce himself as your guide for the remainder of the trip. Excuse me, herself.

Take a bow Miss Ransom.

And welcome back.

Pick a name, any name, and it’s mine. It’s only a title – it’s nothing to me what you call me. I don’t give a damn either which way. But the only name that matters, the one word that sums everything up, that is the title to which I’ll always answer. Guaranteed. That’s the term that’s burned into my soul. It’s the idea that’ll stop most people in their tracks.

Say it with me, real slow. Keep it in your head – don’t let it go. Don’t lose sight of what’s real. If you can find it in the first place.


My first name is Dacien. I know no real name, no given title. I took the meaning of my life unto myself. My last name is more powerful than my first. I’ve always known that. It’s the type of word that just sends shocks down your spine. It’s unnerving. It just…demands attention. It matches me. I demand attention, at all times. It’s how I operate. I will not be ignored or suppressed. This’ my life and I’ll live it to the extreme. I know no other way.

My brother sold me out. I’ll get his number. And I’ll get to Miss Hunter. And we’ll straighten this entire mess out. And I’ll be free. I was always free, but this is a caged sort of free. This is a freedom that comes in running. And I’m sick of running. I’m sick of hurting and fighting. I’ll make it through this. And from this, I’ll be stronger. And I’ll learn. I’ll adapt.

And this will never, ever happen again.

Once everything’s said and done, I’ll be on top. Always.

Nobody’s going to get the jump on me.

Ever again. And the guy who does?

Someone better save him. Because even God’s wrath won’t be enough to pull that unfortunate fuck from my grasp. Poor soul.

Now I need to plan. Now I need to scheme. And I’ll make it work out. I know what I need to do. I just don’t know how. I need to work out the kinks. I might need help. Mr. Brogan seems more than willing to become more informed on my affairs. Perhaps I could swing him to my side. Persuade him that my argument is a much better side to be on. Miss Hunter fucked with the wrong girl when she threw the ball in my court. She tried to frame me for deaths I had no hand in. She’s screwed my life up from afar. And it’s nothing personal. Oh no. She just needed a scapegoat. And I just so happened to be conveniently placed for the job. Ain’t that swell? Ain’t that just fucking great?

God, I love people.

I think after this, I like dead people a lot more. They’re a lot less troublesome.

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